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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 2,237 Location: nr Southampton
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I have decided to come and post in here.
I went for the friends christmas meal and after discussion in here and with hubby we decided that we would go for this meal. We decided we would chat about what is going on round here but try and stick to the positive things ie. finally got the application stuff together for the DFG to help towards adaptions to make our home accessible and that Michael is doing well.
For me it is considerable effort and I know that today I will be in bed. I cannot walk more than a few steps and that is with richard holding me up. The place is not accessible for wheelchair. It was packed anyway.
We have a group of friends.
They all know the score but they dont know what to say when we try and share about life (see the friends and relationships section).
Anyway, happily sharing about the plans to make the downstairs accessible for my wheelchair.
at this point my friends husband, seems impressed and says "how much will it cost? must be a fair bit". Yes I explain that for some of it we have applied for a grant through the disabled facilities team. Only 2 have been granted for this yr- we are one of them. they nearly cut it and we had to appeal etc and even then it only covers the disability bits like the ramp and loo not shower heads and fittings.
"Oh well thats ok then" he starts
"I want to change my house and have some bits built I think I will just go to any council and get them to pay for it."
"Why should people get a grant when us working people dont get anything"
I was shaking
I blurted out "I suppose you want my RHEUMATOID ARTHRITIS too do you"
I am so angry.
I would do ANYTHING to work the hours he does, I would LOVE to be able to do this. Wouldnt it be lovely to have enough income to save up for things or offer to do overtime to cover it? Wouldnt it just.
I am so very upset.
Is this what people think of me?how to be a velvet bulldoser
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/4/2009 Posts: 1,524 Location: W. Yorkshire
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Erm--no Jenni. Only maybe the truly ignorant. What did he say when you said that to him? YES I'VE CHANGED, PAIN DOES THAT TO PEOPLE.
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 5/19/2010
Posts: 384
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Hi Jenni,
As Julie said there are many ignorant people out there and unfortunately you had to be in the company of one.
Please please just ignore him, he is not an important person in your life so his opinions don't matter to you. I wouldn't give him the time of day or show him that his opinions have affected you. People like that say things for a reaction don't give him the satisfaction.
Anne x
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 2,237 Location: nr Southampton
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Just went on and on about how he wants a nice porch and he will have to "bloody well pay for it" etc richard saw him today when they were out this morning. he only saw him quickly but he is going to speak to him about this, it has really got under my skin how to be a velvet bulldoser
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 3,157 Location: Huddersfield
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If people think that about you Jenni, they are not friends. They are stupid and blind.
Of course you would rather pay for the things you need doing rather than beg to the council for it to be done.
Don't let it upset you, he is not worth it, just an ignorant pratt.
Love and hugs,
Doreen xx
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 3,006 Location: Timperley
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Agree totally with what Doreen has said. I'll add that this man is a complete t***r and not worth you loosing any sleep over. BUT you are not stupid to feel angry and upset - it's the way we would all have reacted. Do you remember the guy in the pub who referred to me as "that thing over there in the wheelchair?" I was mad, and upset and hurt and anything else you can think of but decided in the end he was just pig ignorant. If this man is a "friend" Jenni, I would quickly relegate him to the "also rans". Sorry, hon, but there are some people we meet as we go through life who are just not worth a second thought - he's one of them. Take care lovely
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 1,081
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Beyond belief Jenni. I wish the STUPID IGNORANT GIT could live your life just for a week. He probably wouldn't make it. It's no wonder you are bloody upset.
Juliexxx
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 9/5/2010 Posts: 364 Location: mid glamorgan
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Oh Jenni please try not to be upset (mind you I would be exactly the same!) From what I know about you that 'man' isnt fit to be in the same room as you!! Hope Richard puts him in his place and dont waste time or energy on him! xx
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 4/20/2010 Posts: 1,749 Location: Somerset
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OH Jenni
What a horrid individual. I really cannot state any more than the others before me but
he is certainly a 'has been' friend. Must be stupid if he can says such things no wonder
you are upset.
You are 100 times worth more than him - Ignore and know you def the better person.
Rose
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009
Posts: 74
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Hi Jenni,
Another way to look at this is that you don't have to see or talk to him again, but your friend is married to him, how terrible for her. I often read the forum, but don't write very much, but I do know that you have a lovely supportive husband. If your friend ever experiences ill health, I wonder how supportive he would be. Not very I would imagine. Throughout the bumpy journey I went through with this arthritis, I found you very inspirational, because no matter how bad things were for you, you continued to support and advise others. I know it's easy said, but ignore him. I hope the work on your house goes well, and makes it more accessible for you.
Have a lovely Christmas
Take care
Candy
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 8/25/2010 Posts: 1,289 Location: Buckinghamshire
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hi Jenni,
what a horrible thing to have to go through thinking this was a friend,
easier said than done i know not to get upset over it ... but as others have said you are worth so much more than him.
as Jean says there are some people we meet that aren't worth a second thought and are plain ignorant.
hope you are feeling better about it now and looking forward to getting the work done in your house.
take care,
Suzanne x
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 838 Location: Nottinghamshire
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Hello Jenni
What a horrible thing for him to say. I hope he got some serious ear bashing from his wife when he got home. Hope it made him look so small in front of your other friends. Perhaps one of them may have a quiet word with him.
Don't take it to heart and don't let him upset you. You need all of these things to be done, you said that there is only two people that have been granted this, you being one of them, that speaks for itself then doesn't it?
These alterations that you need are not a luxury, but a necessity (unlike his porch), you didn't ask for this horrible illness and I'm sure that you would love to be able to do without these alterations, but sadly you can't.
I bet thats someones off your 'Christmas Card List'.
I've read your story on another thread of your life with RA, I knew bits of it from being a member for just over two years but never had the blow by blow account of it You are such a fighter Jenni, things never seem to get you down, you always take it on the chin and then get on with things.
Don't let this stupid, ignorant, self centred man upset you.
Take Care
Paula x
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 2/18/2010 Posts: 1,098 Location: farningham kent
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Hi Jenni
I don t think I can add much to all the supportive thoughts you have received, I think people who act like him truly show themselves up for what
they really are and without doubt has shown this arrogant attitude to many others - this certainly wasn t a one off. If he carries on like this he won t be invited anywhere in the end.
Julia x
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 3/8/2010 Posts: 914
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Hi Jenni, It was really lovely to be able to go out to this meal, but unfortunately the world is blessed by many idiotic brainless people. As others have said you are an inspiration to all, hold your head up and don't let this ignorant man upset you. These grants are out there for people with disabilities why not claim if you need adaptations to your house. This man would not last 2 mins with what you have to put up with, and coupled with remarks from the likes of him does not help. My mum always says "what goes around comes around" He may well live to regret that remark. Chin up and look forward to Xmas, you will have a lovely day with you and yours. Be strong rise above ignorance, you are better than that.  Take care Lorna xx
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 263
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Hi Jenny its hard but try to ignore that very nasty ignorent man Kathleen Mc.
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009
Posts: 1,035
Location: in a house
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naughty man smack on the ear . Christine The chocolate eating housewife ...The washer woman .....naughty lady
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 3,006 Location: Timperley
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misty wrote:Hi Jenni,
Another way to look at this is that you don't have to see or talk to him again, but your friend is married to him, how terrible for her. I often read the forum, but don't write very much, but I do know that you have a lovely supportive husband. If your friend ever experiences ill health, I wonder how supportive he would be. Not very I would imagine. Throughout the bumpy journey I went through with this arthritis, I found you very inspirational, because no matter how bad things were for you, you continued to support and advise others. I know it's easy said, but ignore him. I hope the work on your house goes well, and makes it more accessible for you.
Have a lovely Christmas
Take care
Candy This lovely post sums Jenni up 100%. She IS inspirational. xxx
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/4/2009 Posts: 331 Location: South London
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Hi Jenny
i can get incensed by idiotic thoughless remarks of narrow minded people. Its not as if you have a choice really is it, and a porch is not exactly a life choice to enable you to do everyday things. This person is obviously unhappy to take such a comparision. I agreed a lot with what people wrote in your support, particularly Mistys insightful post.
I would describe myself as a sensitive and reactive person, and many times have I have kicked off and become very upset and had every reason to, but unfortunately it never does me any good and these people just go on in their own mindless world unaware of the pain they have caused.
Big hug
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/4/2009 Posts: 856
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Dear Jenni
I was absolutely horrified by his comments!
I can't really add any more. It is hard not to let these things upset you, especially when it comes from someone you thought was a friend.
Please please stay strong- we all love you and like everyone else has said, you are inspirational. I can't thank you enough for all the love and advice you have given to us all.
Thinking of you
Maria x
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 3/4/2010
Posts: 576
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Oh Jenni - how hurtful for you to have to put up with this from a friend. So sorry that you had to go through this - especially when you are so positive and doing your absolute best to be independant and positive. Strike him off the Chriestmas card list!!  XX Ailsa
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